Kovixen

The new trailer for the second season of Lost is now up. In order to get to it, you have to go to Oceanic's website, click on Explore and then Hatch. Then hit the white dots, which show clips of the show from last season. After you've watched a bunch, the new clip comes up. It isn't great, but I think the season opener will be exciting.

I'm exhausted from my trip and have an exec meeting tonight. All I want to do is sleep. My nausea has gotten a little better, I actually had a real meal last night. More to come when I wake up.

On the Today Show today, they talked about girl crushes. They kept stressing that this is a nonsexual thing. It is like a friend crush, someone that you really admire and want to be friends with. Everyone was talking about it like it's some sort of new neat phenomenum. I've had girl crushes my entire life, it's just like a male crush, just different. Jen is probably the biggest one I ever had, and I developed my crush when we were roommates. She was so cool and so put together, and I wanted to be just like her. She kept the room clean, so I tried hard to keep my stuff looking nice. She studied, so I did too. She wore make up and blow dried her hair, so I started trying to do those things (unfortunately, the make up part still hasn't stuck). Everyone loved Jen, she was the instant hit on our floor sophomore year. The guys all had crushes on her, and the girls all wanted to be her friend, and I felt so cool being her roommate. It was a total admiration. But she got pregnant that semester, moved home in December, and it all ended. My crush was still there, but it changed because she was so much more adult than I was. I've had plenty since then, none that have really stuck out though because I can't think of any. But they've been there, and I'm sure will continue to.

I was so sick this morning, I was on the toilet with the bucket in front of me. Lovely visual, I know, but I'm warning you all. If you want to be pregnant, or want to get someone pregnant, be prepared for this. I thought being pregnant would be fun. Sure, once in a while I'd be uncomfortable maybe, but no, this is not fun. This is hell. I feel like I'm hung over all the time, and I sleep horribly too. Do not go into this unless you are very very ready. It's hard to function when you can't leave your bathroom. All I can say is, thank god for ginger, chex cereal, and altoid, the new love of my life.

Speaking of loves of our lives, I was looking up someone in my 7th grade yearbook, but I used Peter's, it was his in 8th grade. I decided to read what people wrote in it, and it was so funny. He dated Amy Strickland for 3 years before he started dating me, and they got together on November 12th, at the first dance I found out. Amy was nice enough to tell me that and much more in her page long entry to Peter. She mentions some ring, that Peter doesn't remember, and she states over and over how she will love him forever. It's so cute. I wish I could read what her wrote to her. I always competed (and lost) with Amy in my italian class, she was so good at languages. No matter how hard I studied, she was better. So I was glad that Peter started dating me happily with no wish to ever think of Amy again. She prepared him for a long term relationship earlier than most, which led to us being married so young. I really could thank her for that, but I'm not going to.

I've decided I'm having twins. I just have the feeling, I really think I am. I had my doctor's appointment today, and I am now scheduled for an ultrasound on September 1. She said she's doing it because twins run in the family and because I'm spotting. Peter says that she also said it's because my uterus is a little larger than it should be (and if anything it should be smaller because my cycles are so psycho long), although I'm not sure she said that. The whole appointment was confusing, too much info to take in. They took a whole lot of blood too, and the damn bandaid hurt like a bitch to take off. Seriously, it left big red marks on my arm. Very traumatic, I hate needles.

I'm going to RI tomorrow for a very long weekend. My mother is coming up, and we're moving Terry to NYU. I'm hoping to go, but since I've felt so awful, nothing is guaranteed. So maybe I'll just sit around and sleep on Sunday. I'm super excited to see my mom, it's my first time seeing her since I found out I'm pregnant!

The one bad thing, the doctor won't let me do something for a week after the last time I spotted. Being that was today (and will probably be tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, etc.), I think this will be a long pregnancy for my husband.

I have found something that I can eat! Something that keeps me from wanting to vomit from the site of it. Something that actually tastes good and will give me the energy that I've sorely missed these past few days. Thank the lord!

Why write dumb comments on someone's blog once in a while? In my opinion, if you are going to be a troll, just do it. Be annoying all the time or not at all, not once every three weeks or so. I hate it when people do things half assed. If I was a troll, I would do it full force.

So Saturday I thought I was losing my baby, so I wished the whole day I was nauseous. Come Sunday, I am nauseous the whole day wishing it was still Saturday. I wake up this morning feeling great. They say to get out of bed slowly, and keep crackers by your bed so you can eat them before you get up. So I do that, I reach for a cracker, then reach over to Peter's side of the bed to get the remote. That's when the wave hits me, and I try hard to calm it and not go running to the toilet (forgetting I have my throw up bucket right by my bed because of how awful I felt last night). Maybe it was because I was so excited that gmail was up. Peter told me that right before he left, and I guess the thought of checking it after 72 hours without gmail was just too much for my body to take. The adrenaline must have been pumping through my body too fast for me to take.

Sitting here right now, I really want food. I just saw a commercial for Manwich. I'm not sure what that stuff is made out of, but I'm guessing some E grade meat, like hoofs, tongue, maybe some tail. Being a vegetarian, this shouldn't look good, but it reminded me of sloppy joes from when I was little, and I really want one. Then the next commercial had french fries, and that looked even better. Maybe I'll go to Burger King for lunch today. It's 6 miles away through construction, but if I can get that far without puking, it might be worth it. Who cares that it's bad for me, if I can keep it down, that's all that matters.

Peter declared he may not be interested in Anderson as a boy's name anymore. I freaked and went straight for the baby name book because I am probaby having a boy and therefore need to be prepared. Naming someone is a huge responsibility. I don't want to choose the wrong one, a name that makes them the skinny freak that has no friends and follows people on the playground or anything. So, if anyone has any brilliant ideas for a name, please let me know. Even girls names, Peter is leaning away from Avery too. You can use the Baby Name Wizard to help you. Just please stay away from programming languages as names, Peter loves Ada right now. I think we should just go for the gold with C++ if we do something like that, although I like Anderson more. Eek, he just suggested Chester. I can't believe this is the man I actually procreated with.

Jude Law is on Ellen right now. It's a repeat, so we're still all happy with Sienna Miller. He's actually really funny, I didn't realize. I think that if you are married to someone that hot and successful and funny and hot, you could put up with a lot. Especially if marrying him would help your career and will end in divorce no matter what because it's a Hollywood romance. Why not just ignore the bad and have some fun for a few years being married to the best looking pretty boy in the world.

Loved this trailer for Revolver.

So my gmail account, which I use for about 98% of my email, is currently down. I first noticed yesterday at 8:15 when I woke up and tried to check it. Peter has sent in two bug reports, and google has been kind enough to ignore both of them. Obviously pleasing the patron is not high up on their list of importance.

I started spotting yesterday, and it scared the shit out of me. I thought I was having a miscarriage. Now things are looking ok, this is a normal occurance in many pregnancies, and so far I haven't miscarried. I now just have to take it easy and wait until my appointment on Wednesday to see if anything is wrong or not. So what I've done today is sit in front of the computer, the tv in the living room, or the tv in the bedroom. Oh yeah, and I took a nap. Being pregnant is hard stuff.

I love Big Brother, and I am totally against The Friendship. I've found a great website that feels the same way I do called Fuck "The Friendship." I'm glad to see others agree. While I'm very diappointed that Kaysar is gone, I hope that someone good wins BB6. Janelle is now my favorite, she has a lot of guts. I could never run around making fun of people all day long right to their faces, I'd get an ulcer. I would just think it in my head, and then bitch to my friends.

Also, for you monobrow fans, there's a whole website dedicated to you. I love it, this is one of my favorite places now.

Peter's making dinner, I now feel like throwing up, must go.

I have officially lost my mind. I read Snazzykat today, where she's talking about signs and how she keeps hearing the song Danny Boy. She never realized that it was about having a baby, and when I read the first line that she put on her entry, I started crying. Like sobbing all of a sudden. Just thinking about it made me start crying. Luckily Ellen and the Trump caught my attention, and I moved on rather quickly. But I'm a crying machine. Yesterday Peter and I had our first fight since I've been pregnant, and although I still think I was 100% correct, I took the whole thing way too seriously. Usually I take the lead in any fight I'm in (really, I don't think I've ever lost a verbal argument in my entire life), yet this time I freaked out and cried for an hour. I cried before he came home, after he came home, some more after that. I am now one big cryfest. It's so embarrassing. I should stop leaving the house.

Of course, right now I can't leave the house. Besides the damn nausea that is now a constant in my life, I am having "intestinal issues." Meaning there's no way I want to leave my precious bathroom. I was supposed to drive to RI to see my father and brother, but I just can't do it. I'm too afraid that I'll have an issue and be stuck without a bathroom or in a scary area trying to find one.

Last night I had this awesome dream where I was in law school, but a bad one so it was only for the summer. It was also like Big Brother and someone got kicked out of school every week. I was totally under the radar and was doing well. But then we had a challenge where we went into a store and had to break open all of their ceramic Halloween decorations to see if there was a chocolate inside. If there was, we had to collect them. The team that had the most won. We had them in a measuring cup, and we had a ton. I loved breaking them open, I would smash them as hard as I could against the shelf, and ceramic pieces would go flying everywhere. It was awesome.

I just watched Showgirls. I've heard about it for years, about how bad it was, but I wanted to see for myself. I tivo'd it off of VH1, and instead of blurring out all of the nudity, they decided to put fake bras on most of the girls, blurring only the background women. It was done so poorly, Peter and I spent the entire movie trying to spot the fake bras. As for the movie, it was bad, but it wasn't so superly bad that people need to be joking about it 10 years later.

Looking at some pictures from the movie, I think about half of it was cut out. I don't think sex scenes could have made it any better, at least not for a woman who doesn't want to see the Saved by the Bell girl's boobs. Of course, I saw that nude picture of Jude Law; almost any nudity is better than that.

I look at myself every day in the mirror, and yet somehow I've never noticed that I have a pouty mouth. How can I go through life not realizing that? It's a feature I notice on others, it's one I should have realized. I figure this boils down to how I don't look at myself really. I mean, I do but I don't. I only see certain things, what I'm looking for, not what is actually there. And this scares me because I like to think I see things as they truly are. How much of my world view is clouded over? How much is not what I think it is?

I have gotten queasy, which everyone tells me is a good sign. The baby must be doing well. I hate it though, who wants to feel sick all the time? And I thought this didn't start for another week or two. Hopefully since it's starting so soon, it'll be over soon, and my trip to FL will be uneventful besides having to pee more often.

Who doesn't love Zelda? I love watching Link go to a nuddy bar, it's nice to see he had a life outside of Zelda. I also finally got to see the Badger song that everyone talks about. It's not as good as the Harry Potter version which I can and have watched for hours on end, but it's not awful.

I'm trying to get rid of my couch, but craigslist will only let me post once. I somehow put it in furniture instead of free stuff, so I guess I'll wait until tomorrow or the day after to put it in the other category. It's already buried in furniture, so I'm sure no one will want it. I had no idea how hard it was to get rid of a free couch. I would have eaten it up 4 years ago. Maybe Boston is a richer city than I thought. Here's hoping that I don't have to wait until Tufts students come back, I want the thing gone. I imagine my living room with french doors open and not enough seating to have people over, therefore I no longer feel guilty for not entertaining.

I love the North Korean random insult generator. I love insults, especially creative ones, but I'm not creative enough to come up with any on my own. All I end up with are "Pussbucket" or "Ass." Not too creative. I would love to find a British insult generator, the British definitely have the best insults on the planet.

I am so disappointed with Big Brother right now. Damn Howie for fucking the game up. Now Kaysar is going to go and there's no point in watching. My summer is ruined. Thank god school starts soon so I can focus my attention on Bentley. I should be enjoying my free time at home doing nothing all day long, but it's a little boring. If only I could pry myself away from the computer and move towards the living room. But Peter set up the tv in here (only took 13 months), so now I'll be able to watch tv and be on the computer.

My new favorite game if I'm in the mood for blood-The Bowman.

I'm calling it now, you all are my witnesses to this declaration. I will not allow my children to be brats, scream in public or disobey me. I will not tell them to stop doing something and then carelessly allow them to do whatever they want, annoying all others within a 50 foot radius. I will not bring them with me to restaurants if they refuse to sit still.

I'm now remembering why I don't like children, too many parents are awful at parenting. We went to Za (food was terrific as usual), and there was a child there who was screaming for fun. Not because she was upset or anything, she just wanted to hear her own voice. The last time I checked, Za is not someone's home. There are other people there, complete strangers to this obnoxious child and her parents. Therefore, why for the love of God do we need to hear this go on and on and on. Why can't the parents do something, at least acknowleding the situation? Why did they continue to go on talking as if nothing was happening, even when the other toddler in the group decided to join in on the fun?

Really, I know this won't be a problem for me. I hate brats so much that I could never have one. If my child disobeys me, they are going in the corner. They will be spanked (although not hard, I don't want to hurt them). I will happily leave a store so that I can put them in a car, drive them home, and make them sit in the bathroom so that they get a real punishment and aren't in their bedroom playing with Barbies, Tonka trucks, Legos, or whatever other toys they'll have. I could never put up with any of that. I have no tolerance for any of that, and I think it's bad for the child to be brought up thinking that any of these things are ok. It leads to brats who think the world is there's and they can do/say/have whatever they want. It's disgusting. I'm even considering putting my kids in an etiquette school when they get old enough. That way, there is no excuse for them, they'll know what they should and shouldn't be doing all the time.

Boob watch, Day 21: They are definitely bigger. And heavier. How the hell do people walk around with huge boobs? I would have the worst back pain. I went shopping for the tax free day today (ending up spending about $22 for a savings of 1.10, how exciting), and I wanted to sit the entire time. If I can't even stand for an hour, how could I do so with 10 extra pounds on my chest? Just thinking about that makes me want to take a nap.

I think my boobs have started to grow. I'm not really sure, in reality I don't look at them all that often (except for in my dreams where I have saucer nipples). I keep feeling them, trying to decide if they are bigger or not. I'm sure this makes Peter very happy, what man doesn't love to see a woman massaging her boobs!

I went to Barnes and Noble to buy some birthday presents and some baby books for myself (and somehow spent $100, I really miss my discount), and I have decided I never want to see half of the people who work there again. A bunch of people were really nice and really sweet, but one manager was a total ass. Another friend of mine didn't even talk to me. Totally weird. The place is getting worse too, everyone is unhappy. No way in hell I will ever work there again. I'll just enjoy being pregnant and make money by not spending as much. That will work, right?

Last night I had a dream that I looked into my bathroom mirror to see if my boobs had gotten bigger (this is something I am really looking forward to, one of the biggest pluses of being pregnant), and they hadn't, but my nipples were the size of cds. I totally freaked out, I was all nipple. I really really hope that doesn't happen.

I put the first paragraph of my last post into the English to 12 year old translator. Look what came out, it's so annoying I want to never have a 12 year old. Mine will know how to type, and they won't yell.

SO PRENATAL VITMINS R EVIL!!111! OMG WTF LOL I 2K ONA AND PROCED3D 2 FEL V3RY VERY SIK!111!1! OMG I THINK THES3 R LIEK A WEK OF VITMINS IN2 ONA AND I G3T 2 TAEK THEM EV3RY DAY!1!!11! OMG LOL YAY FOR M31!1!1 OMG IT SAYS ON DA BOTLE (ALONG WIT ABOUT 8 OTHER STIK3RS TAHT SAY THNGS LIEK ABOUT HOW MAH FEC3S AND URIEN MAY CHANGE COLORS) TAHT I SHUD TAEK TH3M WIT A SMAL M3AL IF I FEL SIK!!11!111 OMG WTF LOL DA LAST THNG I WANTED 2 DO WAS 3AT ANYTHNG I JUST WANT3D 2 BURY MAH HEAD IN TEH 2IELT1!!!!1 WTF LUKILY THIS FELNG PASED AFTAR ABOUT AN HOUR!11!1!!! BUT NOW IMM WONDERNG WTH IVE GOTEN MYSALF IN2!!111 OMG LOL I ALSO GOT 2 FUL PAEGS FUL OF INSTRUCTIONS WIT THIS BOTL311!1 WTF MAH SIED EF3CTS MAY INCLUD3 NAUS3A VOMITNG CONSTIPATION OR DIARHEA!!1!1! OMG NOW IS IT JUST ME OR R CONSTIPATION AND DIARHEA OPOSIETS?!?!?? OMG HOW IS IT POSIBL3 2 POT3NTIALY HAEV BOTH??!?! OMG WTF LOL REGARDLES HOW ABOUT TAHT VOMITNG!!11!11 OMG EV3RYONA THINKS TAHT TEH FIRST TRIEMST3R U CAN HAEV MORNNG (AKA AL DAY) SIKN3S BUT RILLY ITS NOT FROM DA BABY GROWNG IN UR S2MACH ITS FROM GETNG USAD 2 BNG PUMPAD WIT AL THIS CRAP1!1!1 WTF HUMANITY SURVIEVD FOR MILIONS OF YEARS HOW DA HAL DID THAY DO IT WITHOUT THESE HORS3 PILS?!?!!??

Also, more Lost news. There is a new flash site for the show now that they are starting to show it in the UK. I somehow got stuck on it, but it shows a lot of Jack.

So prenatal vitamins are evil. I took one and proceeded to feel very very sick. I think these are like a week of vitamins into one, and I get to take them every day. Yay for me. It says on the bottle (along with about 8 other stickers that say things like about how my feces and urine may change colors) that I should take them with a small meal if I feel sick. The last thing I wanted to do was eat anything, I just wanted to bury my head in the toilet. Luckily, this feeling passed after about an hour. But now I'm wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into. I also got 2 full pages full of instructions with this bottle. My side effects may include nausea, vomiting, constipation, or diarrhea. Now, is it just me, or are constipation and diarrhea opposites? How is it possible to potentially have both? Regardless, how about that vomiting. Everyone thinks that the first trimester you can have morning (aka all day) sickness, but really it's not from the baby growing in your stomach, it's from getting used to being pumped with all this crap. Humanity survived for millions of years, how the hell did they do it without these horse pills?

Some things I have been thinking about recently:
Trailers, I love them. Here are a few that I am really looking forward to. First is Proof, which was a hit on the London stage a couple or years ago and stars Gwenyth Paltrow. Wallace and Gromit are also coming out with a full length movie, which I'm very excited to see, I love the dog. He is the nice version of Brian from Family Guy, or rather vice versa, Brian is the mean version. Finally is Little Manhattan, which is a romance between two 11 year old kids. I thought it would be dumb, but the trailer looks so cute that I really want to see it. After all 11 isn't *that* young, it's only five years younger than I was when I started dating Peter.

Also, for those of you who don't just want a mail order bride, or just a mail order bride from Russia. Now you can get a Russian mail order bride who is missing a limb. I know that plenty of people who read my blog are into amputees, so check them out. Maybe you'll soon be married to the Russian amputee of your dreams.

Also, it is my job to inform the public when important things go on that you should know about. Now, I know many of you have dogs, many of which aren't neutered. Many of these unneutered dogs use dog condoms. Well, there is a recall, so be careful. Make sure your dog uses another form of protection if he uses the dog condoms, or else you may end up with a little of puppies that you will have to help raise and pay for. And that would be a damn shame.

In closing, I'm don't know if you heard that everyone who is in the Broadway hit Avenue Q has unfortunately been publicly suffocated in a bizzare event that will police are actively looking into. All shows have been canceled until more puppets can be found to replace those who are been killed.

Yesterday I find out that yes, I am officially pregnant. Yesterday was also the day that Jesus happened to be my cashier at Panera Bread. Jesus is a female it turns out, wearing a pink Locoste shirt that was a little too short and dark jeans. I certainly wouldn't have pegged him (her?). I think that Jesus decided to visit me again, this time in person, to congratuate me on the pregnancy. If you will recall, he emailed me a few months ago. I am very lucky, I don't think Jesus is this prominent in most people's lives.

My mother thought that I was pregnant after I described to her how I was tired, and a different tired than ever before. Usually when I am tired I am unable to do anything besides sleep, I'm a total waste. But with this tired I felt (and still do feel) like I could rally through it and clean the entire house or write 80 posts on shirt snob or climb up the Eifel Tower. What really clinched the pregnancy in my mom's eyes though was how much I hated Wedding Crashers. This is a movie I should have loved. Great story, great actors, great reviews from people I trust. And yet it blew. Like, I had to force myself to laugh. It had none of those moments where you are laughing so hard you can't laugh, not even close. I walked out of the movie theatre so disappointed. And my mother knew that wasn't right, Laura doesn't not like movies without a good reason.

Mommy found me a link to the Chinese Gender Chart, which says I'm going to have a boy. I knew that I would. I have always thought about girls because I am a girl and understand them, and I think that's why I didn't get pregnant before, because the universe wanted to send me a boy and I was resisting. Once I stopped resisting, I get pregnant, hence the boy in my belly. I've signed up for iVillage (which is so confusing I think I need a class on it) and Web MD and all these others sites so I can track my baby's development. So far I know that I am 4 weeks and 2 days into my pregnancy according to when my last period was and not according to when my child was actually conceived (that was about 2 1/2 weeks ago). My due date is April 17. I prefer birthdays earlier in the month because then I won't forget them. However, I forget birthdays at the beginning of the month because it comes up so suddenly. So, there is no good birthday for my child, I'll have to deal with that.

Peter is starting to really think hard about my diet for the next 9 (10) months, being that he is also my chef, not only my sugar daddy. We were talking about nutrients and protein and all that stuff (and who would have thought I'd actually miss and crave tofu-I can't wait to have some), and Peter told me I should try eating fish. I have only had fish once in my life, and that was fish sticks during my annual family reunion when I was in elementary school. I found them totally disgusting then, and I never wanted it again. You would think being from New England and living by the coast I would appreciate seafood, but you'd be wrong. I find anything that comes from the water totally inedible. I think this is because my mother never fed me fish, so this is the base of my not eating them. However, I have since developed fish issues, now to be called fishues. Going back throughout my life, I believe these fishues came from dead fish floating in the fishbowl growing up. I had to walk by the fish to enter and leave the bedroom and bathroom area, so this was quite often. One day, we bought about 10 fish from the local pet store that had been tested on. They promised that all the fish were fine though. We bring them home, put them in the tank, and within the next three days all the fish we had (over 20) died. There were multiple floaters, and I totally got freaked out by their dead bulging black eyes staring at me, promising to jump out of the tank and get me. I shiver just thinking about them.

Jump forward to college. My roommate wants me to feed her fish while she's away for a few days. I agree because I'm nice, but I really didn't want to. I go in after a day to go feed them (we had cubbies, aka wall spaces that we slept in, because we were cool and got the cool rooms). I start to feed the fish when I notice one is sort of floating near the top. I look closer, and part of the fish is missing. The other fish had eaten it. I totally freak out, scream as loud as I can, and get tangled in the curtain at the entrance to the cubbie. When I get out I run down the hallway to the other end and sit on the stairs and try to calm down. My sister Kara comes out of her room and calms me down and did something with the fish to make it all better, which I really appreciated. But that was totally awful.

I have many other traumatizing fishue stories, but that's enough for now. As you can see, I don't like fish, so when Peter asked me to eat them, I told him he was off his rocker and made him get ready for work. Nothing in this world could make me eat fish. Nothing at all. Ok, maybe my child could, but no way in hell am I actually going to consider that until something bad happens, like the doctor tells me I need to eat fish or else my baby will die, or something equally bad.

In closing, did you know that the plural of vagina is vaginae? Neither did I.

eta
Yes, I am pregnant, and yes, this is wonderful news!

Today rush, aka recruitment, starts at Auburn University. This is the official start of the rush season for me. And boy am I excited. Nothing gets my blood pumping like a rush thread on GC or a rush workshop at a school I'm helping. I was a Recruitment Advisor for 4 years, started training with the best in my sorority the moment I graduated. I was an awful rusher when I was a collegiate because I took the whole thing so seriously and was very awkward when trying to impress people I had never met. But as an RA, I think I did a decent job. It was hard at URI the first few years because I was in the chapter with these sisters, so they didn't see me as an authority figure at all. But since I started with them, they have made quota every year and are continuously getting stronger.

At Bentley, "formal" is in the spring semester. Their version of formal is a slightly organized version of informal to me. I hate it. I want a quota and release figures and 200 women or more signed up. My chapter at Bentley doesn't even have 20 women active right now. Totally different than what I dealt with at URI. However, I think I have finally started to understand this strange school, and I am so excited about their COB this fall I can barely stand it. The only problem with them is that since the chapter is so small (and all the chapters on this campus are, it's not just them), I don't hide in the rush room easily. That means I can't really stand there and look around and try to run things. Usually for COB I just leave and pray for the best. That is hard to do, but I don't want to be the creepy advisor that scares all the rushees.

Tina wrote a bit on her experience joining Theta recently. I loved this post, it was so interesting for me to read. I love to hear what happens in other school's rushes, why they join the chapter they do, why they don't like the other chapters, what formal rush is like there, etc. She has promised to write about why she isn't active anymore, and that is even more interesting to me. As we all know, my sorority is my life. It's my job and it's my friends. It is a part of me and always will be. Many collegiate women do not join alum chapters, instead being inactive after graduation. Often, they don't come back into the swing of things for many years, if ever. I've never understood this because when I do something, I either do it entirely or not at all. Why join a group for life and disappear after four years? In reality though, I am unfortunately in the minority here, especially in the Northeast. Very few women continue to give back to their group. I can understand why, they need to get something in return and often times may not feel that they receive anything. But I don't have contact with these women, I see the alums who are also active, who pay their dues and come to events and advise local chapters. So I am totally excited to hear what Tina has to say about Theta. I think it will be educational for me, hopefully something I can bring back to my alum chapter (where I am VP Programming).

Also, I found this post on Words For My Enjoyment very interesting. I have not yet been asked what my traffic is, but I certainly see this type of question coming up more and more in the future, especially once Shirt Snob gets moving. I certainly find my stats fascinating, but I don't entirely know how to read them. Well, Peter has explained it all to me. But do I actually care more about hits or visits or Kbytes (or something like that)? I go by visits because it's yellow and pretty. But I don't really care, I'd write if no one read anything. In fact, I'd probably be more open about my life if no one read it.

I sat down with my low calorie lunch and decided to read Tony Pierce. I find I prefer reading him with something to eat, probably because I end up sitting down for a long time, and I'm always hungry. I had something like four or five entries to read because I didn't want to read blogs this weekend, just like I didn't want to watch tv or be on the computer or go to the movies or do anything except lie in bed.

Now, Tony always has interesting things to say, and everything he writes seems to be very thought out. He's a very articulate man, much more than I will ever be (and no, that isn't me saying something bad about myself, I just know what my flaws are as well as all the wonderfulness that is Laura). In those four or five posts I read, he made me think of all these things that I want to write about. I was getting afraid that I'd lost my blog eye. I couldn't think of a damn thing to write about besides how I wish I knew whether I am pregnant or not (still don't). But after reading Tony, I have a thousand things to say. I think this shows what a good blogger he is, he makes us think and examine, and I feel that he's talking to me specifically a lot. I think this is why I read his blog, besides the fact that he's funny and a good writer and always has interesting things to say.

Ok, this post is not supposed to be a Tony lovefest though. I want to actually write about some of the things that came to me when I read his blog today. Here is a quote of his:

im a devout Christian but im not so sure about forgiveness. if youve fucked me over and you want me to forgive you you need to write your apology out, cut your finger and dip your thumb in the blood and stamp it next to your signature, and maybe i will forgive you. if youre lucky.

but if youve done me right i will be there for you day or night, at all hours, your faults will be strengths, your blemishes will be beautiful, i will tell you repeatedly that i love you and i will mean it and i will defend you and fight for you and when i fight i win because how dare anyone even consider trying to go toe to toe with us.

I find this quote so fascinating because it is me to a T, except the Christian part. I can be the biggest bitch, hold grudges for years (which I have done to one of my best friends), and hate you more than you can imagine if you do me wrong. If you don't know me well, you might think that I am nice and sweet and I love everyone and all of that goodness garbage. But in reality, I am very vocal about those that I have issues with, and those people certainly know it. I expect people to say they are sorry if they do something wrong, and if they do something really really wrong, I expect them to say it over and over again. It's what I do when I make mistakes, because I certainly do all the time. If you don't admit you are wrong, you are not a good person, you are a coward.

However, I am the most loyal person you will ever meet. I am extremely protective of those that I love, both friends and family. If you say something bad about one of those people, I call you out and make you admit that you are wrong. If you refuse to admit to it, you go on my shitlist. Outside of my mother and Peter, who I feel I can show all my emotions all the time to, I will not get mad at you if you are my friend, well, not more than a tiny arguement. I will certainly stand up for myself and my beliefs, but I will always totally respect the other persons beliefs even if they are totally wrong or against what I believe in. One of my best friends is a huge Republican and supports Bush for totally silly and ignorant reasons, but I love her so I can't really object. Another is becoming a doctor and doesn't believe in evolution. I think she's crazy, but I respect her and therefore whatever led her to that conclusion. In fact, these are some of the things that I love about these people. But in anyone else, I find these things to be faults that are hard to overlook.

As longtime readers know, I think about my friends a lot. Too much in fact. I analyse my relationships with other people similarly to how others analyse their romantic relationships. I definitely don't feel like I have the types of friendships that I want most of the time, there is no one outside of Peter and my mother right now that I feel I can tell anything to without the potential for rejection or ridicule. That is ok because I realize I'm lucky to have two people in my life that I can be so free with. But that number was once much higher, and it is sort of sad to realize that my relationships aren't what they used to be. I don't know if it's because I've grown up or because I don't live on campus anymore or because of something about me, but it's something I think I have come to deal with. And I know that this won't be true forever, I love my friends and I am developing some close friendships with people that I never thought I would, which is a great thing.

I think one of the reasons I like blogging so much is because I feel I can be myself and be honest so much more than I can in real life. In reality, I'm shy and quiet much of the time, I'm rarely the center of attention, and I'm not a connector. Neither is my husband, and I think that is weird for a relationship, usually one person is outgoing. Since neither of us are, we tend to be the followers of every group we are in, we don't want to push many buttons because we want to be liked. Well, I really shouldn't speak for him, this may not be true. But it is for me, I want my friends to like me, and I want them to want to do things with me. I am terrified of rejection by them. But on here, that isn't the case. Even though many of them read my blog, I don't care what they think of what I write. I see this as a way of releasing the true Laura, and they can enjoy it or ignore it when they see me, and I won't mind. If they choose not to read my blog, I don't take it as rejection as I would with many other things, and if they disagree with what I write, they can either take me up on it here or not, but they don't do it in person. So this is the side of me that others don't see. It's a great feeling to be myself to my blog, my best friend.

I saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith yesterday, and it was pretty good until the ending that just sucked. If huge organizations are after you and you kill 20 of it's members, does that mean they stop going after you and forget where you live? I guess so in the world of movies. What a let down.

Who decided that Rufus Wainwright and Ben Folds should be at a concert together? A couple in front of me brought 2 year old twins, and somehow they slept through all of BF, and he was loud as all hell, as was I standing right behind them. I hope my kids sleep that soundly, maybe I can take them to Insane Clown Possy or something and they'll just lay in that weird shawl thing that I will wear because I'm lazy and won't want to hold my kids. Anyway, I didn't like Rufus at all, he was boring and kept throwing his head back to move around his hair. He didn't get that it made him look dumb. I left after about 5 songs because I couldn't take it anymore.

Obviously, my life is rather slow right now. It's the baby waiting. Tomorrow I take the test. I'm a little afraid that if I am pregnant, I'll get obsessive on here about it. After all, I really like to write about myself. I'll try not to bore you too much though.

Until tomorrow then, I will leave you with the guy that ate my cursor and the Found Footage Festival preview, which almost makes me wish I worked at Wendy's in the 80s.

I have a new crush. After three tries, I finally get to see the greatest musical genius of our time, Ben Folds. He was wonderful in all of his dorkiness, and I really wish he had an encore. My new goal in life is to be a Ben Head and to follow him around the country. Would it be considered stalking if I sleep on his front lawn when he's not touring? I would love to move to NC after all, and there's no better place to look into his windows at night.

Also, some news finally about Brandon Flowers. It looks like he got married earlier this week. So at least that whole thing is no longer up in the air. The sooner he gets married, the sooner he can get divorced and come live with Ben and I in NC.

Well, after that post, I think we need more poo. This goes along with what I posted the other day about the frozen poop. Now I'm almost tempted to get a dog. Except that I live in a small apartment with 3 cats and a very tall husband and we don't have a yard, so I'd have to walk the damn thing all the time, and I hate walking.

I also need to share this shirt with you from Threadless. I don't think this is quite appropriate to put on Shirt Snob, which tends to be a bit more...classy. But it's still frickin hilarious, and if I am actually not pregnant, I may just go out and buy it.

And finally, this isn't funny, yet I find it fascinating. It's a cartoon of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise singing Candy Shop. I think I'm easily amused.

As it is morning and I have no life, I went straight to Bloglines (after checking out the GC excitement-by posting that a link didn't work I'm an evil Alpha Phi, how fun!). The last blogs I read are by people I don't know. I'm not sure why that is, maybe because I like to leave my favorites for the end. I do that with everything after all. I also need to read my blogs in a group together. I can't read one in news then one in cooking then one in friends. Like food, I need to finish one up entirely before going on to the next. Only during Thanksgiving do I allow mixing.

So I read dooce's blog, which is her writing about her daughter who is now 18 months old. Before I know it, I'm crying like mad. I'm not sure why exactly. She is a very good writer, and I can totally empathize with everything that she says. But I think part of it is that I'm very jealous. I want to be pregnant, I want a baby. I always thought that people who cry over such things were insane, but here I am doing so right this very second. My temperature dipped today, the exact opposite of what I want it to be doing. It actually dipped a whole lot, but I refused to accept it and took my temp again, and it raised 3/10 of a degree. That still is lower than I want it to be. I think I'm about to get my period. I know that I wasn't getting my hopes up this month (month and a half really), and I didn't. But still, I had that sign, and it was a big one, and I really thought being pregnant was a possibility. Now I'm afraid that it isn't, and I need to try again next month. Every month I have some sign, and they are always false.

I know this is a self pity post, and I'm sorry for it. This is my first time crying over not being pregnant, and I needed to let it out. I never truly understood how emotional this experience would be for me. I'm also sorry that my mom has to read this, my going through this is hard for her too.

I was watching another person's tv at the gym today, and it was something like a Backstreet Boys Behind the Music type of thing. Boring! But it got me thinking about the original boy band, at least according to me, NKOTB. I will forever know that means New Kids on the Block. I always that that acronym was so cool, and by me saying it, I was cool. That was elementary school for me, trying hard to be cool with acronyms.

But wouldn't a Behind the Music with NKOTB be awesome? I would love to hear about how they were all high on crack and were screwing all the groupies at every city. That would be so entertaining. I wonder if they haven't done one because the group members are still embarrassed that they were a part of such an awful group, or if they were actually boring straight shooters. Yawn.

My favorite was definitely Marky Mark, I mean Donnie. He was so hot with those overalls with only one side hooked. Man, that was cool. I would sing Hangin' Tough all day long. I bought the videos too.

Funny how they suddenly became so dumb. In 5th grade they were rocking, but by that summer anyone who was a fan was a loser. You had to throw out your posters and buttons or else the other kids would ridicule. I felt bad for this girl Nicole on the first day of 6th grade. She wore an NKOTB t-shirt and no one wanted to talk to her because of it. Being the nice (aka loser) person that I was, I tried to become her friend. But that didn't work out, I was about to be a loser for trying. That year totally sucked for me though, it was the year that didn't exist. So was all of jr high.

Was anyone else afraid of Danny? I wondered if he was an ape. I became friends with a girl who thought he was the hottest one, I thought she was crazy and I couldn't be associated with her. Her next favorite was Jordon. I didn't get him and Joey either, I mean, they sounded like girls. I may have been only 11, but I knew that was not a good trait for a man, at least not one I wanted to think about romantically.

I think the dullest blog in the world is very dull. Why the hell are all these people commenting?

Maybe it's just me, but I don't get Fergie. Yeah, she has a great voice, but she always struck me as weird. You decide.

The Man Picture

Thanks to Go Fug Yourself.

The Drunk Peeing Picture

Thanks to Defamer.

Screw it all, I am going to come clean. I once again think I'm pregnant. Or I am circulating that idea in my head. As usual, I had a sign that I was, although this one is better than my period not coming or smelling everything that was ever in the world. I won't say what it is because I think a few men read this and they might freak out. But it's a good one.

Originally, this made me happy. I got excited and giddy and couldn't fall asleep Sunday night. But that is now gone. I have been burned too many times by the signs. Until the doctor says I'm pregnant, or at least the EPT wand, I won't believe it.

I tried looking around the internet for a list of signs that you are pregnant. Really, I just went to iVillage and then got bored. I didn't find anything. I more or less know the signs, but I haven't actually looked at a list of them for some time now and thought it might be nice to refresh my memory.

I saw an awesome trailer yesterday for Broken Flowers. Yes, I love Bill Murray. He is an acting god. Not that I would know or anything, but he certainly has a very expressive face and is a happy fun ball to watch.

Today seems to be poopy day. It's everywhere. No, not on the walls of my bathroom, just on the internet. Here is a pooing cow with "real moooving parts," a pig too, and dog poo spray, which I wish they had when I was a kid picking up the dog poo behind my house.

Test your gaydar. Mine is a strong 85%. Good thing I'm married and don't have to try it out in the real world though, I'm always so afraid of embarrassing myself.

If you'd like to know where I got today's quote, it's an actual ESPN headline.

I found some new eliptical machines at the gym. They were behind a big beam and I somehow never noticed them before. These are now my favorites of the bunch because you can totally hide back there and no one sees you red faced and sweating. I took the one next to the mirror today and watched myself work out a bit. Wow, I am totally hot. I loved it. Sure, I need to lose a bit of weight, but once that is off I'll be the supreme hotness of Arlington. I can't wait.

Once again, I switched to The View during Ellen's commercial break. Those damn women piss me off so much. Not that they did or said anything interesting today, but I really think they all are the fruits of the devil (pronounced the same was as in So I Married an Axe Murderer). They were talking about how it is rape when a female teacher has sex with her male students. I guess there's another case of this besides that big one from a few years ago. This woman was recently married and very pretty. But it was all rape this and rape that. I got sort of annoyed. I mean, yes, technically it is rape. But these boys seem to be a lot more consenting individuals than all the rapes that came out about coaches and teachers against the female students in the 90s. Rape to me is forced, is scary and is wrong. I'm not saying that what happened here was right, but it's sort of like the 14 year old skank that everyone had in their school who dated men in their 20s. It was wrong and gross, but I don't see that kind of rape in the same category. If the "child" wants it, then it's different than if it's forced.

Of course, I can see other sides. Arguing with myself here, maybe these kids started out raped the first time and then went into it a little more willing because that is all they know. Maybe it's the only attention they can get because their parents are drug addicts who beat them. I don't know. I'm not sure this is a fully formed opinion, so if you argue against me, I will probably agree with you.

I talked Peter into going to Old Navy because he's lost more weight and needed some new shirts. In his old clothes, he looks almost lanky, which totally scares me. I ain't gonna be married to no lanky boy. He got a few shirts, and he'll get more at a cool t-shirt place like Threadless or Busted Tees. This was a great opportunity for me to buy some clothes as well. I got there though, and I realized that since I think I'm pregnant yet again, I really shouldn't be buying clothes, at least not ones that I won't be able to wear in a month. So I got some yoga pants, a pair of shoes, and some tank tops that will stretch with me through at least my 6th month. God I love shopping, even if it's super cheap crap.