Kovixen

I don't know what I ate this evening, but damn it was awful. I think there may have been a helium balloon in my caprese wrap or something. My stomach kept growing and growing and it hurt like hell and I thought that an alien was going to pop out of it. I was really wishing an alien would pop out, anything to make the pain go away. I almost called my mom, but then I realized that her dogs usually throw up on Sunday nights and I didn't want to wake her up again. So I decided to wait and hope it went away and it has mostly. I am never eating again. This is something I say at least 3 times a week, but I mean it more now. Tomorrow starts the diet. And I think it'll stick because I no longer work and therefore won't be celebrating peoples birthdays, weddings, departures, etc and I won't be surrounded with women who like to cook and bring something in at least once a week that is so good that I can't pass it up. And I won't be working 15 feet from a Starbucks where I get 50% off, and with Frappucino season upon us feeling the need to buy one just to help out the store numbers. I care a lot about Barnes and Noble. Oh, and I also have time to go to the gym every day. I like going to the gym after that first week of hell, and it's a lot more fun when I go at 11am to watch Ellen. I love her, that is the best show on tv, except for Lost, and that's not by much.

Now that I'm not working, I'm under the illusion that I'll have more time to do things. Yes, some things I'll have more time for like Peter and chores and organizing my life, and worrying about how I'm a loser for not having a job and not trying to find a new one. But I had been thinking about calling someone to try to get together with her. Someone who is supposed to be a really good friend of mine that I haven't spoken to or emailed for 2 months now. That is a really long time. It goes by fast, but it's still a sixth of a year. If you are really good friends with someone, shouldn't you communicate more often? Maybe, maybe not. I have a few high school friends that I don't speak to often, email almost never, yet I still feel like we are good friends. I don't seem to feel this way about this person, let's call her Monica because I know no one named Monica and she needs a name. Monica may not need my friendship anymore, I have sort of wondered if she needed it for a few years now. I think since I moved to Boston. Did she take that personally, me leaving while she's left in RI feeling stuck? I wonder if her marriage has gone sour and that's why she doesn't have time for me. Many tell me that raising a family can be hard, that maybe that's why Monica doesn't have time for me anymore. She isn't me. I know that I wouldn't let a great friendship go even if I had sextuplets. But not everyone is me, not everyone has had the hard time making and keeping friends that I have. Not everyone is so insecure about their friendships. Not everyone values their friendships the same way I do. But I have been the one keeping this friendship up since we were 20, and I got sick of it and ignored it for 2 months, and now I'm wondering if that was a mistake. So what if I have to initiate everything, is that always such a bad thing? In other relationships others are always the ones to do that. I never call the Miners for instance, I always just assume that they'll call me because they do (sorry Christina). I do the same thing to my father, although I expect him not to call. I take Monica's role all the time, maybe I shouldn't get on her case for it and should just call her.