Kovixen

I read the most interesting article today, sitting in a barber shop while Peter was getting his hair cut. The article is Breaking the silence about miscarriage by Lynn Snowden Pickett from the April 2005 issue of Self. When Lynn realized she was pregnant, she decided to tell her family and friends so they could celebrate this wonderful occasion with her. Unfortunately she experienced a miscarriage, and what she experienced is probably very similar to what other women have gone through. Most people ignored what happened to her, didn't acknowledge her loss at all. She went to a family party and only one person pulled her aside to say they were sorry for her loss. She was hurt by these family members and others who ignored the situation and appreciated the few who did say something. In the past when this happened to her friends, Lynn wouldn't say anything herself. However, she realized after it happened to her that being silent was the easy way out. It was better to show that she cared and felt for her friends. She was also surprised at the number of women she knew who had also had a miscarriage. They had stayed silent, keeping the loss to themselves until Lynn opened up, and this made her feel less alone in her grief. Lynn felt she had learned a lot from her experience, and when she became pregnant for a second time decided to again share her good news with everyone. It was better to share her joy and potentially face the consequences of also sharing her loss than to keep it all to herself.

I found this article so interesting because I may be facing the same thing. I am trying to get pregnant, and I plan on sharing this with everyone I am close to as soon as I find out. One out of every five pregnancies ends in a miscarriage (according to this article), so I know this is a distinct possibility for me. However, I have decided to take the chance of potentially facing everyone I know and telling them that I've lost my child, the worst thing that will have happened to me so far in my lifetime. This is a very scary thought and a hard decision for me to make. What if I lose my child, go to my next poker game or my next Alpha Phi event, and no one says a word? How would I take it? I know I would be deeply hurt, feeling like no one cares. But now after reading this article I see that this may not be the case. Lynn didn't know what to say to her friends when this happened to them, and in the past I wouldn't know what to say to someone when they experienced a loss. I would usually feel bad bringing it up. Say the person forgot their sadness for that moment, say they were experiencing a few seconds of joy, as if the awful thing had never taken place. Do I want to remind them, to bring them back to the real world? No way, so I've kept silent. Now I realize that they aren't forgetting. Even if they seem happy, in the back of their minds they don't forget. It's better for me to be supportive and say something, to let them know that I love them and am there for them, that I am their friend. And I hope if I do have a miscarriage everyone does the same for me.